I’ve been seeing a counselor, fairly regularly, for a little while now. He provides me with a safe space to feel my feelings, share my experiences and gain guidance on how all the pieces fit together.
Although I value ALL the moments that we share, there are always a few nuggets of information that resonate with me and that I carry around, a constant reminder of the changes I’m striving for and the person I want to be.
It doesn’t mean you don’t want to spend time with her.
It means you want to spend time with yourself.
This seemingly obvious statement is currently on repeat in my mind; I remind myself that I can give myself more fully, when I am truly present. That it is ok to give myself time to simply be, to prioritize me, so that I am capable of being more present in the time that we do share.
I have been struggling, with a desire to spend time alone and a desire to spend time with my girl. An internal conflict laced with the familar scent of guilt; guilt for dissapointing her, guilt for wanting time alone when things are going perfectly and guilt that in our relationship, I come with baggage.
But I’m getting better at reminding myself, that guilt is not meant to be my way of life; sometimes, I just want to spend time with myself and find personal fulfillment that is not embedded in another person.
And THAT is perfectly acceptable.