They say that hindsight is twenty-twenty, and for good reason. When we are removed from a situation, everything appears so clear and yet amidst swirling emotions we are lucky to catch but a glimpse of lucid clarity.
I’ve been struggling; struggling to understand what I need, what I feel, where I’m going.
And I have virtually no answers, after a month of contemplation. I know, that my task right now is to be present, right here, in this moment before me. To listen to to my heart and actually hear the song it has always been trying to sing.
I broke it off with my girl; not because we fought and not because I stopped caring, but because I couldn’t care enough. I wanted to be ready to share myself, to give myself, to be a partner, but with each step forward we took, I found myself hesitating and pulling away just a little bit more.
She says, maybe we met each other too soon, maybe, if we’d met each other a year later, we both would have grown enough on our own, to grow together. But we didn’t.
She taught me so much; how to love and how to laugh. She showed me, that I am worthy of so much more tenderness than I ever imagined. She embraced me and supported me when I was broken and scared and every day, she encouraged me to blossom.
And I had to let her go.
Because when I really listened, I knew, that this journey (my awakening) had only just begun and I need to walk much further down the path of self discovery, before I will be able to truly give myself to another.
I can only hope, that I have given her, even just a fraction of the strength, self-confidence and honor that she has instilled in me.