Sadness Today

sadnessEmotions are so fickle, some days they float along the surface, barely noticeable and others, its as if every breath is engulfed with feeling. Overwhelming moments of emotion, sometimes indiscernible from one another and yet so obviously present.

Yesterday, we talked and for the first time since I broke it off, she sounded like she knew she was going to be OK. Like SHE believed she was going to be OK.

She sounded strong and capable and passionate. It was beautiful. It’s what I’ve been hoping for; that as individuals we can grow and discover exactly who we are meant to be. And that we, can be the lucky ones, who manage to remain friends through it all.

And today, when I truly feel that she has’got this’, I find myself feeling an unexpected sadness. As if her strength, her ability to weather any storm (one of the things I admire most about her) also means she doesn’t need me the way she thought she did. And I guess in a way, even though I didn’t want it and she didn’t need it, the knowing, it changes things.

But that’s just today, I imagine that tomorrow, I’ll feel something completely different and that will be just as OK as feeling sad is today.

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