Working on Me

slow-downI’m trying to work on ME.

It’s an easy thing to say, but a much harder thing to define and execute; there’s a need for reflection, for critical thinking, for change and most of all, for time.

I know that I need to be patient, that each step, no matter how small is important and that just as being present and enjoying the moment is important, so to is taking the time to question and consider my motivations, choices and actions.

I’m trying to feel the feelings.

  • Last week, I allowed myself to feel sadness,without judgement, without trying to busy myself until it went away.
  • I’ve been feeling so much love for my boys; filling them with all that I have to give and being overwhelmed with the outpouring of love that they are in turn giving to me.

I’m trying to stop rushing to fill the void.

  • I have a tendency to fill space with unnecessary actions, words and sounds.
  • I’m trying to recognize the difference between things I need to do, things that I want to do and things I feel like I’m supposed to do.
  • I’ve been cooking, I’ve been baking, I’ve been creating and that’s for me and me alone.
  • For the first time in ages, I’ve been walking my dog silence; no phone call, no music, just me, my dog and nature.
  • I left the gym, without finishing my workout yesterday, because the draw to replenish my soul over coffee with my friend was stronger. I don’t have to accomplish everything, every single day.

I’m trying to listen, when my body says, slow down.

  • Twice in the past week, I’ve spent an evening neglecting my chores and instead curled up with a book and it was felt luxurious, selfish and wonderful.
  • I’ve just started a journalling e-course designed for reflection and personal tenderness; taking the time to read, write and reflect can present such a challenge, hopefully with structure I can make it happen.
  • Due to recent changes, I found myself with two days off and no plans; I considered going into work, but instead decided to take the time, to relax and let myself be.

And I feel like all of THIS is progress, small, but important steps in my journey towards discovering who I am.

This post, coincidentally, fit the Daily Prompt: Realize

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