Tonight, I was going to go to the gym. Simply because I wanted to and because I know the resulting flood of endorphins would feel so good. Emotions have run high this past week, I’ve felt overwhelmed more than once: by sadness, joy, frustration and even embarrassment.
Given my default is to stay busy and push through, I know that owning and feeling those emotions is valuable for me. It’s not about wallowing, it’s about simply feeling and for the most part, I’m doing OK.
I’m learning to differentiate between pushing through and moving forward and there is a distinct difference between the two.
Where I’m faltering, is in the relationship realm, because I’m not the only person involved. I broke things off and despite the hurt, we both agree that our connection is strong and a friendship is worth the growing pains, but how do we get there? How do we take a relationship that was all encompassing and help it evolve into something more natural, when such big feelings are involved?
They say a watched pot never boils and I can’t help but think it’s the same, that with time, healing and growth we will find our way to a brand new blossoming and supportive friendship. But without some space for change to happen, something in the equation (the friendship, the personal growth or worse, both) may become stifled and stagnate.
We had and continue to have a ‘relationship’ built on honesty and trust; tonight we spoke freely, we cried, we hugged and we tried to let expectations go.
Amongst the sadness, I feel a sense of peace after our talk and I ‘m hopeful that sleep will come easy for both of us tonight. Tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to keep moving forward, even if I’m not quite sure what that looks like.