One year ago today, I did quite possibly the bravest thing I’ve ever done. I changed my life. On the screen before me, were carefully crafted words that could only barely begin to scratch the surface of expressing how broken I truly was.
I had written, read and rewritten those words so many times I should have been able to recite them from memory, but I knew that I couldn’t. The only way that I could possibly say everything that needed to be said, would be to find strength in the words I had written.
I said a lot of things and most of them are far too personal for sharing, but this snippet, embodies everything that I wanted for myself and everything that I continue to strive to achieve.
And the truth is…
I’m tired of feeling guilty.
I’m tired of trying to be everything for everyone all the time.
And most of all, I’m tired of trying so hard to have a relationship that feeds my soul and brings me love and light and happiness.
Since that day, I have shed many tears and I have struggled through many days; I have laughed, I have loved and most importantly, I have lived.
The past 365 days have given me the opportunity to begin to dust off the layers of negativity, perception and judgement that were weighing so heavily on my soul. An opportunity to rediscover, who I am and how to stand proud, always; as an individual worthy of all the amazing experiences that the life before me has to offer.
The past 365 days, have seen me grow. I’ve taken steps forward and I’ve taken steps back, but at least I’ve stopped standing still.
One year ago today, I was sitting on my couch, riddled with anxiety, waiting to tell the man I had married that our life together wasn’t enough. I felt a fear like no other: of the pain I would inflict, of a future marred by a failed marriage, of an inability to make it on my own.
But today, 365 days later, although my future is just as uncertain, I’ve let those fears go and now my outlook is rooted in hope and joy and love. And as for tomorrow, I say bring it on!