Eight months ago, I considered for the first time, that ‘I could…be a lesbian‘.
Six months ago, although I lacked clarity, I knew I wanted to be ‘more me‘.
Two months ago, I struggled to find the words to admit that I was ‘quite likely gay‘.
One month ago, I accepted that ‘I am gay‘.
Today, I feel a simultaneous lightness and fullness as I learn to navigate the world as what I can only describe as my true, authentic self. I am often fairly oblivious to the world around me, but my recent lack of concern for anyone else’s opinion is astounding to me.
Sometimes (but definitely not always) I see the second glances and stares but I dismiss them almost immediately, they’re not worth my energy. I no longer care about judgey looks or apparent disapproval; its not for me to judge anyone’s life but my own, wouldn’t it be a different world if everyone subscribed to that approach?
I wonder, do I look different to strangers than I once did? Do I look more like a lesbian? My body, my style, my clothes, they’re no different than they’ve always been, but my soul and my entire being feel so different: I feel free. The world around me seems brighter, but I know its not the world that has changed, its me.
I finally opened up that closet door and my rainbow light is shining all around me; illuminating my world with a beauty that takes my breath away.