My Rainbow Light

Eight months ago, I considered for the first time, that ‘I could…be a lesbian‘.
Six months ago, although I lacked clarity, I knew I wanted to be ‘more me‘.
Two months ago, I struggled to find the words to admit that I was ‘quite likely gay‘.
One month ago, I accepted that ‘I am gay‘.

Today, I feel a simultaneous lightness and fullness as I learn to navigate the world as what I can only describe as my true, authentic self. I am often fairly oblivious to the world around me, but my recent lack of concern for anyone else’s opinion is astounding to me.

Sometimes (but definitely not always) I see the second glances and stares but I dismiss them almost immediately, they’re not worth my energy. I no longer care about judgey looks or apparent disapproval; its not for me to judge anyone’s life but my own, wouldn’t it be a different world if everyone subscribed to that approach?

I wonder, do I look different to strangers than I once did? Do I look more like a lesbian? My body, my style, my clothes, they’re no different than they’ve always been, but my soul and my entire being feel so different: I feel free. The world around me seems brighter, but I know its not the world that has changed, its me.

I finally opened up that closet door and my rainbow light is shining all around me; illuminating my world with a beauty that takes my breath away.

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7 thoughts on “My Rainbow Light

  1. Building The Confidence says:

    I agree 100% with thinking about if I look different. It crosses my mind all the time. I guess I just carry myself differently and stopped trying to appeal to the guys around me? Sometimes indifference attracts more attention. I hope one day I can redirect my energy so I don’t care about the stares. Great post!

    Like

    • Shine Brightly says:

      In time, I’m sure things will come together for you, I’ve had a lot of personal growth and change over the past year and it just seems like once I got over my hesitations, everyone else mattered even less. Happy New Year!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Alyssa says:

    I know I have carried myself with much more confidence since coming out. I don’t think my overall style has changed much, but while I was denying the truth to myself , I definitely over compensated by dressing extremely feminine and acting as I thought a “straight girl” should. I still look pretty feminine and most people I come out to are confused and never saw it coming, but hey at least I get to redefine their definition of what a lesbian “should” be.

    Like

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