I don’t want YOUR dream

I had ‘the dream’, all the things we are ‘supposed’ to want in life: a husband, two kids, a house, a dog, a car, a truck, a mini van, a trailer, a good job and enough disposable income to purchase whatever I wanted (within reason). On paper, I couldn’t ask for more, but in reality, I was flailing.

It turns out, that ‘the dream’ that is embedded into modern society wasn’t my dream at all. It didn’t fill me with love and light and happiness, it didn’t give me pride and strength and joy. Instead, each day I awoke, simply existing, going through the motions of life, attempting to thrive in a world that was not my own.

The other day my friend sent me two photos that I’ve looked at many times, but I’m not sure I’d ever really seen. They were selfies, Facebook profile photos, one taken recently and the other from a few years ago (when I was still married). She sent me the photos, side by side with a simple ‘Buddy, look at the difference‘.

When prodded, she told me, ‘You looked miserable before. Your eyes aren’t smiling, you look tired and your smile is half assed.’ And she’s absolutely right; a few years ago that was a good picture and a good day, but the woman in that photo is but a shadow of who I am now.

Now, my photos show a woman who is alive with joy, confidence and happiness and as I cheekily told my friend, ‘being gay and happy is working out so much better for me.

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