I’m constantly surprised by the intensity of my emotions, the depth of my feeling and the comfort I find in my new reality. Every day, I feel increasingly confident and proud of the choices I make, the life I lead and the people I choose to have in my life.
I am so proud, to be me.
I desperately want to find a way to capture these feelings; the glow, the warmth and the energy that surrounds me so that one day, when I inevitably need it, I can remember.
I want to remember the confidence I feel to speak my mind, to let the truth tumble from my lips without pause, and the pride I feel when I do just that. I want to remember smiles that spread so much further than the corners of my mouth and I want to remember what it feels like to giggle, to laugh and to simply surrender to the joy of the moment.
I want to remember the brightness I feel every single time I talk to someone new about being gay; how incredible it feels be so matter of fact about a piece of me I refused to acknowledge for so long. And how strong and sure I feel when I choose not to validate people’s stares by changing my behavior.
I want to remember the lightness in my chest when she smiles at me, the sigh that escapes my parted lips when she holds me and the way we create our own safe space every time that we’re together.
These days, I feel a strength, a confidence and a joy like I’ve never known and its the most beautiful feeling in the world. I know, that life is full of challenges and although hard times are inevitable, they also help us appreciate the good times all the more.
I’ve struggled a lot over the past year and I am so thankful for all the amazing in my current reality. I can only hope, that when the next roadblock emerges, I will remember everything that I feel now and bravely blaze a new trail.