Proud to be Me

Every single day, my life changes and I happily change along with it. This week, something huge happened and it’s made me realize, once again, that I am not meant for normalcy, I am not meant to be defined by society and I most certainly am not like all the other girls.

In my town, single moms have a tendency to lose their homes, they downsize and they struggle to survive in their new reality. I struggle too, but it’s different. I struggle to ensure that my children are provided for both in my home and their fathers; I am the sole provider for my family, including my ex-husband.

This week, in addition to ensuring everyone’s needs were met, I moved into a house that I successfully mortgaged and purchased on my own. Owning a house has always been a dream of mine, and since I left my ex and gave him the house we had purchased together its been something I’ve been striving to accomplish. And now, the stars have aligned and I am once again a home owner.

Although I’d been working towards this monumental change in my life for some time, the reality of the situation still managed to catch me by surprise. I am a strong, independent woman who takes care of herself and her family and I alone have purchased a house that will become a home.

I made that happen; I remember my counselor explaining to me that by my very existence, I was an oppressed person. He explained that as a middle-class woman, of mixed ethnicity and questioning sexuality (I hadn’t accepted my gay at that point) no one had handed me any golden opportunities. He told me I had worked hard to achieve everything I  had and that I should be proud of all that I had accomplished.

But in that moment I felt anything but proud, his words felt like a forced acknowledgment of my circumstance. Yet since that conversation, I’ve found myself reflecting on his words on multiple occasions; especially now, I can recall the conversation so clearly. In the midst of yet another huge accomplishment, I finally see what he was trying to tell me.

I created the opportunity and the change that I wanted to see in my life and that makes me so incredibly proud to be me.

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