For the past week, I’ve felt the urge to write, but lacked the clarity to find my words. Within my uncertainty there is a whirlwind of thoughts and ideas all drifting just out of my reach.
I want to write about strength, about digging deep and reflecting on the questions that matter. Almost everyday I ponder the question, who do I want to be? And there is only one answer, I want to be ME. But what does that mean? Who am I? I am an individual that believes in honesty, integrity and love. I believe in silver linings, the golden rule and that there is always a place for kindness. I value connection, authenticity and the beauty of an individual who is willing to bare their soul.
I want to write about wishes, dreams, desires. Every day, I wish for three things, love, light and happiness because I know now they are what matter. The little things matter. Life isn’t about grand gestures and sweeping statements its about finding joy in everyday moments, in the journey of our life. I dream of a future that is not only rooted in love, light and happiness but also spreads the light and touches everyone around me.
I want to write about family and motherhood. The warmth in my soul, when my son climbs into my lap, strokes my hair and tucks his head into the crook of my neck. The way my heart swells when my boy curls up with a book, getting lost in another world. The way my heart breaks when my boys struggle, when they feel lost and unloved and I feel unable to protect them.
I want to write about love. The beauty that exists when two souls find each other, somehow intertwining yet remaining unique. The gasp that exists only for her, the certainty that she is my person. The purity of a love that never judges, always listens and hears that which I do not say.
I want to write about sadness and letting go; the realization that there are casualties of change and its time to stop holding on. Understanding that tears and disappointment are sometimes necessary and should be embraced, not feared.
I want to write about a lot of things, but this week, none of them feel quite right. Perhaps tomorrow (or next week) the words will flow for me, but I will not worry and I will not judge. My journey continues and my story will too.