Touch

The words slipped between my lips, practically whispered, as I gazed at her longingly; I really want to kiss you, but I lack self restraint. As the last syllable escaped, her lips were on mine, soft, tender and embedded with lust. In that moment, the passion we shared for each other was so pure that time ceased to exist.

All there was, in that moment, was her.  Her scent, her taste, her touch, her beautiful eyes looking in mine and the softest sounds that wouldn’t be contained. My senses felt awakened and although we had reached before, I know that in that moment, our souls touched and our worlds shifted. Hours later, I would peel myself (fully clothed) off of her, the wanting and desire pulsing through my body as she said good night.

She asked me today, why I felt so strongly (at the time) that we should wait.

I was afraid, not that I could love her, but that an evening of lust could somehow taint the potential for a love like no other. I knew that we could be something special, that we who were so aligned in values, in life and in dreams had the potential to be everything I never dreamed of. In my life, I have chased lust and though the moments are lovely, it has never made my heart sing. And I was so fearful that chasing lust might ruin all the hopes I had for something beautiful with her.

My girlfriend responded simply, I was waiting for you, we weren’t going to ruin anything. And I’m sure she’s right, but in life we need to learn our own lessons, we need to live our own experiences and we need to find our own certainties. And I needed us to wait.

Now, I need her touch.

Only once, have I felt like our communication was stilted, like perhaps she was misunderstanding me, or I her. We’d been together all day, but around people and in public. We were in the shower, washing the day away when she reached for me, with both hands on my face she kissed me, deeply and passionately and when we pulled apart we both smiled coyly as she stated so simply that’s what we neededI haven’t been able to to do that all day. 

And she was right, with one touch, one moment of shared intimacy, everything was right with the world again.

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